Not A Pink Girl

Love ya. Mean it! Or not. | July 12, 2008

I went to Hagerstown Maryland on Saturday with my husband. Which part of that sentence is the shocker? The fact that my husband & I actually went somewhere together that didn’t involve our son. Sad, huh? It just seems like we go our separate ways lately. Well, more like for the last 3 years (maybe more). That’s just how it’s become. I think things evolve like that when you’re married as long as we’ve been. He works full time & I’m an at-home mom (or stay-at-home-mom, or SAHM). There are days when we don’t see each other at all. He’ll leave at zero-dark-thirty & I’ll still be asleep. I might be out when he gets home from work. I go to bed late; he goes to bed early.

Why do people stay married so long? It seems like such an artificial state. Do people stay married so they can have an ad in the Sunday paper weddings & anniversaries section that says, “Mr. & Mrs. Rhett Butler are celebrating their golden anniversary on a private island in the Caribbean.” The part that article leaves out is the fact that the couple will only exchange about 6 words between them the whole week they’re gone “celebrating.”

I think long marriages look much better on paper than they do on a daily basis. Do people stay married because it’s like a marathon race, & they’ve trained so hard for this & stayed in it for so long that it would just be sad to quit just before the finish line?

Think about it. What’s the purpose of staying married?

You might say, “Well, a couple should stay together for the children.” Okay.

Let’s say a couple’s been married for 30 years. They might have 3 kids, ages 27, 25, & 23. None of their kids lives with them.

Age-27 is renting a room in an old Victorian in Santa Cruz CA & works at a restaurant as a bartender. During his off-time he gets a little surfing in, hangs out at the neighborhood Barnes & Noble listening to bites of the newest prog rock CDs, & trying to figure out where his next bag of pot’s coming from.

Age-25 lives in Denver CO. She just got her master’s degree in fine art; she’s sharing a condo with a girlfriend from college who also happens to be her significant-other (something she knows her parents aren’t ready to deal with, so she’s never told them). She works as the assistant manager of a ski shop & keeps her ear to the ground for jobs at galleries in Cherry Creek North & LoDo. She finds herself drinking much more & eating much less as each week goes by without her getting a “real” job. But all the girls her age drink; doesn’t everybody? (She would never think to refer to herself as a “woman;” she doesn’t have any idea what her mother & grandmother had to suffer through in order to be respected as adults & not just “chicks” or “gals”.)

Age-23 didn’t go to college & still lives at home with Mom & Dad. He’s quiet & sweet; he’s great company to his parents. He likes to read fiction & sleep late. He watches lots of Netflix & doesn’t believe in God. He doesn’t date much which really isn’t a big deal. He has friends of both sexes he sees once or twice a week when he goes out for pizza with them. His parents come too & sit at a separate table; when the bill comes, Mom & Dad pay for both parties, theirs & their son & his friends. Age-23 works at the local no-kill animal shelter & makes a little more than minimum wage. He isn’t interested in owning a car & borrows his mom’s, or has his parents pick him up or drop him off. He doesn’t drink alcohol or smoke anything.

So should the parents stay together for the kids? I’ll talk about their hypothetical marriage in a future post.

A couple I know just filed for divorce. They have four kids & have been married for about 16 years. The brick of a husband (I use the word “brick” as a pejorative because he used to be as dependable as a rock but now he has proven himself to be as dumb as a bag of pea gravel) revealed to his wife (an at-home mom) that he met someone in nearby West Virginia where he worked & he is leaving his wife for her. Just to put the cherry on the cake of this story, he told his wife he was leaving her on Christmas Day.

More later!

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2 Comments »

  1. divorce is the greatest destroyer of wealth

    Comment by blouie2 — July 12, 2008 @ 11:10 PM

  2. Long term marriages can work just as well as when the couple were newlyweds. However, it’s up to the couple to keep the “spice” in their marriage but also to make sure that each other is happy and feels loved. That’s what happens; the people haven’t grown tired of each other but have let the beautiful part of marriage slip off to an unknown place. You will be happy when you decide that that’s what you want, with or without someone else’s approval.

    Comment by Henry Hale — May 12, 2010 @ 7:09 PM


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