The Vicks cough drop in church certainly would have been offensive to Catholics, who are not allowed to eat or drink anything but water 1 hour before receiving communion.

The Jantzen pitch made no sense. “So well-built, we can’t show you the second floor.” Is the “second floor” the woman’s breasts? So you can show us the first floor? Is the first floor her derriere & privates? Makes no sense. Terrible pitch.

Sugarberry Ham was fabulous. Housewives would always remember that commercial with the housewives duking it out over a ham, of all things. Housewives abhor the grocery store, & believe me, they’re in the mood for a fight while they’re there. They’d rather be ANYWHERE else. Those Sugarberry hams would be flying off the shelves.

Fillmore Auto Parts was great because men define themselves by how handyman-ly they are, whether they’re work on Wall Street or Main Street. White- & blue-collar men would be drawn to Fillmore because of this ad.

Topaz pantyhose was good too, because it appealed to women of all classes. Women who were scraping by would like the “only pair you’ll ever need” & figure that meant they wouldn’t have to spend as much money on hose because they got a run. Richer women would like the name Topaz & the fact that it was a “singular” brand (not like all the other, run-of-the-mill cheaper brands).

Sear about 4 bone-in Australian lamb chops in olive oil after dredging in mixture of flour, salt & pepper (go easy on the salt if you’re adding higher-sodium au jus or broth later), marjoram, winter savory & crushed rosemary (no regular rosemary for me; too much like little sticks).

Gather 1 plastic container of baby redskin *sniff* potatoes; 1/2 a bag of fresh green beans; a bag of baby carrots (REAL ones, not just big ol’ sinewy ones cut really small); a red onion, sliced; a bulb of garlic, each clove crushed (yeah I said it); a bay leaf & 2 cardamom pods left whole.

Spray the inside of a lidded iron French oven with Pam. Throw in baby carrots, cardamom (one pod on one side, the other on the other side), bay leaf (stuck in the middle), half the onions, & garlic. Put the lamb chops on top. Then add the rest of the onions, the green beans, & the potatoes (whole).

Now pour 2 jars of GOOD au jus on top of everything. You can also use a jar of high-quality demi-glace & a box of good beef, veal or vegetable broth (you might want to mix them with a whisk in a large measuring cup & then pour them over). You can also buy some good portobello mushrooms (rinse them well) & put them in (my fellas don’t like mushrooms). A splash of red wine wouldn’t hurt (we’re teetotalers).

Put the lid on & pop into a 300-degree oven for as long as you want. Can be reheated the next day on 225 for as long as you want.

You can increase the number of chops (don’t be like Mary Richards & not have enough when Sue Ann stops by unexpectedly) & use more or less green beans & carrots. As long as the lid goes on tightly, you’re golden.

The whole flippin’ house is gonna smell heavenly. And your family will suddenly notice you after years of benign neglect.