Not A Pink Girl
The Moscow Vector by Patrick Larkin
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The Moscow Vector by Patrick Larkin
My review
rating: 2 of 5 stars
Oh my. This book was bad. I was going to say really bad, but in the penultimate chapter I actually was engaged by the plot for about 3 pages.
It bothers me when publishers deke the reader with a cover that screams ROBERT LUDLUM’S MOSCOW VECTOR then in tiny letters written by patrick larkin. I want to know exactly the extent of Robert Ludlum’s involvement in this book project. I bet he didn’t read it. If he had he wouldn’t have put his name on it.
The body count? I lost count. There was no holding back for Robert Ludlum’s Patrick Larkin. Every time you turned around somebody was getting executed. Really unnecessary massacres.
The dialogue in this book was awkward & not like real conversations between people. Every male character called every female character “Ms.” The Russian bad guys called the female CIA agents “Ms” Whatever. At one point even another woman called a female agent “Ms.” Um, we don’t talk like that in real life.
The use of cliches was rampant. Whew. No original writing here. Also the writer used weird phrasing like he’d run out of ways to say “he said.” At one point the dialogue went something like this: “‘The drone missile has missed its target & hit civilians,’ he said seriously.” Isn’t the fact he said it “seriously” implied?
The author (who was the author?) seemed to be intent on sharing his knowledge (or recently-acquired research) about firearms & ammunition. Detailed descriptions of every weapon & its magazine, clip, bullet, or whatever other name you want to use for it was supplied in almost every chapter.
And speaking of chapters: When is a lot too many? There were at least 50 chapters in this book. I was more engaged by the old Nancy Drew books written by the old syndicates. They stuck to a 20-or-so chapter maximum (you always knew whodunit by Chapter XX).
The reader of this book had an annoying habit of making (US) President Sam Castilla sound just like George W. Bush. I was waiting for him to say, “That dog don’t hunt” or “Big hat, no cattle.” He came close. That was really irksome, having to be reminded of W, just when I was trying so hard to forget him (along with the rest of the country).
The main reason why I disliked this book was because it was boring. Also, I love John le Carre & this book wasn’t fit to act as a bookend to his spy novels.
“Healthy” debate? Impossible.
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The older I get, the less possible it is for me to be “friends” with anyone who is a reactionary right-wing zealot. I don’t get the “healthy debate” thing. The “healthy” part goes right out the window when Republicans start using words like “abomination” & “anti-family” & “unnatural.”
I am Catholic & I think Jesus is a wonderful person to emulate. These crazy anti-choice automatons that pretend to be Christian or Catholic do no speak for me & all Catholics are not like them. They espouse hate & violence against anyone who does not act & speak like them.
Note I used the word “act.” So many of these haters live in fear: of themselves, of their true sexuality, of “The Bad Guys,” of foreign speakers, the list goes on.
Oprah, you’re never gonna live this one down.
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Just because it’s “free” doesn’t mean you should eat it. If Oprah Winfrey wanted controversy, she’s got it now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPlxcj8o9dg
Tags: addictive foods, corporate stooge, fast food, MSG, obesity, saturated fat, tainted meat, trans-fats
Absolute Friends by John le Carre
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Absolute Friends by John le Carré
My review
rating: 2 of 5 stars
I love John le Carre. His books Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Our Game, Smiley’s People & The Night Manager are some of my all-time favorite reads. But Absolute Friends wasn’t up to his (admittedly high) standard. It was lugubrious until about the last 2 chapters of the book & I pretty much slogged through it. The characters weren’t likable (with the exception maybe of his Turkish significant-other & her delightful pre-teen son, about which there was precious little in the plot).
Book review: Jane and the Unpleasantness at Scargrave Manor: Being the First Jane Austen Mystery by Stephanie Barron
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Jane and the Unpleasantness at Scargrave Manor: Being the First Jane Austen Mystery by Stephanie Barron
My review
rating: 2 of 5 stars
I would give this 2 1/2 stars I think. It was a slog. I adore Jane Austen. This book was fun & interesting because Jane Austen was the protagonist. I found the way Ms. Barron wrote the book to be distracting (too many “of a sudden”s & “I was all astonishment”s). I thought it was neat that she was trying to use colloquialisms of Jane Austen’s day, but sometimes I found this device to be self-conscious. This is Ms. Barron’s first book in the “Jane Austen” series, so perhaps things smooth out with the succeeding novels. It just didn’t catch my interest. I had to force myself to sit down & read a chapter or two at a sitting.
In case you were wondering…
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A truly gifted singer from Europe (albeit with exceedingly thin eyebrows)
Cannot is one word. So you don’t write, “I can not believe how many people are sending me the dumb Susan Boyle video.”
Also, everyday & every day do not always mean the same thing. You write, “This rush hour is definitely heavier than normal everyday traffic.” Or, “I make sure I brush my teeth & put on my sunblock every day before I leave the house.”
A couple of things that are going to drive me stark raving mad: The stupid Susan Boyle video & the “Office” (U.S.) theme song.
Dance with the one who done brung ya.
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From the Huffington Post
Barack Obama was getting a lot of flak for using this saying around the Inauguration. People are so out of it. I mean, do they just live in a little laptop bubble? Do they ever get out there & talk to actual people?
I love the saying “Dance with the one who done brung ya.” It’s okay to use incorrect grammar with that because, well, it’s a saying. It means that you need to show respect & appreciation to the person who gave you your big break, or stood by you when things were rough, or was with you when you didn’t have a dime but helped you pay off your student loans, or, to use more sayings to explain this saying, if I scratch your back, you need to remember to scratch mine, or, quid pro quo.
Now, about brung. Some people still use that in the deep South when they mean brought. They’re not ignorant or making a mistake in their speech; it’s just like saying ain’t but in a different context. It’s almost a way to make their meaning more forceful. Like, if someone helped you, you better as heck help them when they need you. You don’t just take the better offer when it comes along later (like after your college loans are paid off or your out-of-wedlock child is an adult), like a richer guy, or a woman with bigger breasts. You get the idea. Dance with one who done brung ya. The one who stayed with you through thick & thin.
Also, I don’t know how this happened, but almost everyone who writes or reads from a script on television uses bring & take incorrectly. You take your clothes to the cleaners, you don’t bring them there. You take a date to the prom (not to just plain ol’ prom, to the prom), you don’t bring him. Just practice this one, okay? Do it just for me.
Also, here’s how you say someone had a rope wrapped around his neck & was hoisted up on a gallows, then the box was knocked out from under his feet, & he strangled on his own body weight. That’s called being hanged, not being hung. Your coat has been hung up, or you hung up the phone (although that one is quickly fading away because everyone is canceling their land lines because they don’t need them anymore due to widespread cellphone use).
More later on common errors, grammatical & otherwise.
And another thing…
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Here’s something I overheard today that just annoys me to no end! (Add it to my list [see November 2008 post].)
“I was just talking out loud.”
Ah-huh, isn’t that what you do when you talk? Make noises with your mouth that people can hear?
I think you mean, “I was just thinking out loud.”
>.<
Have we just gotten really lazy with the way we converse? (No, it’s not “conversate.”) Can’t we just think for a second or two about what we really want to say & then say it properly?
The other night I was watching a new Law & Order (just plain ol’ Law & Order). Alana De La Garza, who plays Assistant D.A. Connie Rubirosa, said, “Even still…” I couldn’t believe it. Are you telling me that was written into the script? Talk about lazy. Dick Wolf & Co. are getting paid obscene amounts of money, & that’s the best dialogue they can come up with? EVEN STILL?Now if that were me, I would not have said that. I don’t care what was written in the script. I would have just said, “Even so…” & everyone would just have to lump it.
Okay, I feel better now (sort of).
I’d feel much better if my neighbors would take the two computer monitors (we’re talking pre-Pentium) off their front porch & put them out with the trash. Those things have been on their porch for at least two months. What do they think this is, West Virginia?
Did you know you can make a TV or fishtank from your old monitor?
Little things that make up a life
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Social networking sites like Facebook have a life of their own. I am fascinated by the friendships that are born & developed on these online gathering places.
Right now there’s a viral thing going around fb called “25 Random Things.” I think it’s interesting because just a couple of dozen stream-of-consciousness facts about one’s life can really tell a new acquaintance quite a bit about one.
I was asked by a fb friend (whom I know through my local Democratic Committee, of which we are both members) to tell him 25 random things about myself. Here they are. At the end of my “things,” I’m including the “rules” one is supposed to follow when posting these on Facebook.
I would love to hear your comments.
Kathie’s 25 Random Things
1. I’ve never seen an episode of the television shows “Frasier,” “Friends” or “House” (& have no plans to ever watch one).
2. There have been precious few times in the past three decades that I haven’t turned my head when a kid called out, “Hey Mom!”
3. Used to fantasize that Mister Rogers was my real dad.
4. I’ve met many “celebrities” (Cal Ripken Jr., Jack Nicholson, Brian Wilson, Fred Couples & Joe Theismann, for example).
5. Spent the coldest night of my life (29 degrees F) sleeping in a tent on the ground at the foot of Devil’s Tower, Wyoming (from “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” fame).
6. I’ve ridden the New York City subway by myself (& gotten on the wrong train only once).
7. Quit smoking cold turkey & have been an obnoxious nonsmoker for 23 years (which proves you don’t need all the nicotine gum, patches, etc. that our capitalist society insists are necessary to quit).
8. I’ve been to so many concerts I’m not sure I could list them all: Paul McCartney & Wings, Elton John (3 times [front row twice]), Lou Reed, Robert Palmer, Bruce Springsteen (3 times), David Bowie (twice), Madonna (twice), the Beastie Boys (before anyone knew who they were & when everyone thought I was crazy), the Eagles (in the olden days [3 times, once when Linda Ronstadt opened for them & once when a "new act" opened for them named Jimmy Buffett & The Coral Reefer Band]), Rosemary Clooney, Alison Krauss & Union Station, so many more.
9. I’ve stood crying in front of Vincent van Gogh’s “Self Portrait with a Straw Hat” @ The Metropolitan Museum of Art & didn’t care what anyone thought.
10. I’ve represented myself in a court of law.
11. I’ve done past-life regression through hypnosis three times & once through guided imagery.
12. I’ve fallen in love at first sight (as an adult, when it really counts & really hurts).
13. I’ve helped deliver a baby (twice).
14. Have seen Kevin Costner, Tom Selleck, Michael Jordan & Garth Brooks play baseball in an MLB park.
15. Been a Friend of Bill W. since 1986.
16. Told Clinton Portis not to worry because we love him, no matter what. To his face.
17. Went to Catholic school all my life, including college.
18. Learned how to knit when I was 7 years old.
19. I have a recurring dream about the flowers in my garden: I dream I miss their flowering & go outside to look at them & they’re all dead. How does a woman get so sad? See #12.
20. Was chosen to be in a class debate in the 5th grade. I could be Richard Nixon or George McGovern. I chose Shirley Chisholm. That didn’t go over too big.
21. I have no idea what anyone sees in Brad Pitt, & think Angelina Jolie looks like a ghoul who feasts on dead bodies.
22. Luciano Pavarotti’s voice causes me to get head-to-toe goosebumps; Andrea Bocelli has the voice of an angel (his duet with Celine Dion, The Prayer, makes me cry); & Mario Lanza’s singing was technically near-perfect but just doesn’t touch my soul.
23. The doctor who delivered me also delivered my daughter.
24. Had a pen pal from Hilo, Hawaii, when I was 11 until I graduated from high school.
25. Saw Lew Alcindor play basketball professionally many times before he changed his name.
Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.
If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.
(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people [in the right hand corner of the app] then click post.)
Things that annoy me to no end.
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Ah, Thanksgiving! I have so much to be thankful for it would take weeks for me to list my blessings. For example, every night when I get into my 14-year-old bed (no head- or footboard, just a mattress & box-spring on a metal frame), I sound like a revival-tent preacher. I say – out loud – “Praise the Lord! Thank you Lord for this wonderful bed! Praise Jesus! Thank you Jesus!” Sometimes I get teary-eyed. The flannel sheets are pilling, the pillowcase is from a bedding set I bought at Montgomery Ward (now defunct) in 1983 when I moved into my first post-divorce apartment with my then-3-year-old daughter, the TV remote is sticking me in the left thigh, I have about 5 books & magazines (all in various stages of being read) strewn across the quilt, there’s a slight sinkhole on my side of the mattress (did I mention it’s almost a decade & a half old?), but heaven knows, when I get into that bed at night, I am a grateful (& comfy-cozy) woman.
But you know what? There are plenty of things about this life that bug me. It’s the little things, you know? So what the heck. Yes, I’m grateful, but I’m also a wag.
Here are just a few of my pet peeves:
People who say, “I don’t want to be a third wheel.” It’s fifth wheel. You need the third wheel, right? Just take a look at any car or truck. Wheels one, two, three & four are necessary. It’s the fifth wheel that’s awkward.
“A light bulb went off over my head!” No, dear; if you had a bright idea, a light bulb went on over your head. If the light bulb went off, you just got a little dimmer.
“Even still…” No no no. It’s “Even so” or “Still…” You know, like: “You shouldn’t eat another piece of cheesecake.” “Still, I do love it, so I’m going to eat it.” Or, “You are so right. Even so, I’m eating it.” You don’t say, “Even still.” So stop saying it.
More than one exclamation point at the end of a sentence. Think about it: it’s called an exclamation point because all you need is to add one to the end of your sentence & everyone knows you are super-excited about the content of your sentence. Your excitement is implied purely through your use of one exclamation point. When you add five, you just look silly. You also betray the fact that you can’t figure out how to write the proper words in your sentence to reflect your overflowing enthusiasm, so you substitute exclamation points for words, & that’s just sad (especially if you’re over 18).
If you write a sentence like this, “Come to my party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lots of pizza & free sodas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” you need to take a remedial English grammar course or, better yet, a creative writing course. & buy a dictionary & a thesaurus (it can’t hurt). Oh & also, you’ll ostracize the few friends you already have (are they partially literate too?) & no one will come to your party because your overuse of exclamation points is so annoying, no matter how much free food you throw at them.
Here’s one that bugs literate people to no end: the misuse of the apostrophe. It’s so easy, my suspicion is that people are just plain lazy & put the flippin’ apostrophe wherever the heck they want & don’t care about what’s right or wrong.
Are you going to the Joneses’ house? You know, the one where the Jones family lives? Then the Joneses own the house, so you must show possession by use of an apostrophe. So you don’t write, “I’m going to the Jone’s house.” Is their last name Jone? No, it’s Jones. So if the Joneses own the house, you write, “I’m going to the Joneses’ house.” If you’re going to a house that’s on a historical tour of old houses, perhaps you’d write “I’m going to the Jones House.” That’s correct, too.
Let’s say you’re flipping through a Lillian Vernon catalog & you see a sign that you can personalize for the front of your house. How would you fill out the personalization form? If your last name is Bashir, you would ask for it to look like this: “THE BASHIRS”. I’ll bet that picture in the catalog is wrong, though; it probably reads something like this: “THE BASHIR’S”. No no no. You would only use that if your sign was going to read, “THE BASHIR’S HOUSE”.
Lots more pet peeves to come. But first I have to chop celery & onions, make cornbread from scratch for the homemade stuffing, find the harvest tablecloth (that’s 14 years old too), put a Post-It note on the microwave to remind myself to put the cranberry sauce (2 kinds [whole-berry & jellied], each from a can) on the table, put another nightlight bulb in the plastic light-up turkey on the front porch (bought from Miles Kimball over a decade ago), & figure out how the heck I’m going to be able to spend some time in that wonderful old broken-down bed of mine before I reek of Butterball bastings.
Happy Thanksgiving!
